
So I was walking home from the bar this evening, where you know I imbibed, like drank, only the finest local and organic ales, when I noticed that the trees that where forced to make their way beside the busy road where I live were presenting brand new buds out into the world. They were indeed fledgling and, like, no one that I noticed gave the slightest most slight "eff you see kay" about that fact. So the baby leaves were trying to poke their, like, heads out into the world, to do their part and absorb what carbon dioxide they could, you know, convert the carbon dioxide into, like, oxygen but the passionate carbon footprint not-wanters were not too concerned in the least. I confronted a group of the anti-naturalists, and I asked of them, "pray, do tell, why are you so passionately indifferent to the struggles of young plants, you do realize that they contribute to lessening your so-called carbon footprints, don't you?" And the folk there gallivanting hollered at me, "No! we have no time for the budding of plants! We save our environmental awareness for shopping!"
Riding your bike to places to purchase shit which got there by truck, yes internal combustion driven you insatiably curious earth warrior, does not equate to diminishing your environmental impact, sorry, to be current, your carbon footprint. Is this really what a sense of the natural world has come to in my time and culture!? We're dumber than I thought! You can't purchase your way into predictable seasons people! Quote me: The "green" generation, or like, the "green" movement will go down as one of the great human farces of, like, "all time." If you don't give a shit about the world around you, you're a fool to think that your consumptive habits will affect that secret, hidden, mysterious world in any way but negatively. Consume your self to death eco-warrior, your hypocrisy and absurd delusion will make for an interesting, sustainably produced and bio-degradable documentary. Oh and of course, the footprint of your existence will betray only the slightest complicity with that, like, evil element carbon. Only a fool would suspect that carbon could sneak past your diligent elemental savvy.
Translation: If you don't care about the goings on of nature you don't give an eff you see kay about nature. My own carbon footprint is forever emblazoned on your organic-cottoned ass. (Check out Freilly's post here for a less emotional and flippant discussion of similar themes)

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