Flea's greatness empirically verified!

I was in the lab the other day, conducting experiments, observing phenomena, recording and making sense of data and to my shock and delight I was able to confirm that Flea is the world's greatest human being. Now, I must tighten my criteria a little lest I give the impression that I've surveyed all peoples from all cultures. My criteria were these: The greatest human being must demonstrate an undying passion for life, like a font which sprays everywhere at all times like the sun. Second, they must be deeply dogmatic about the eternal virtues of humility, kindness, gentleness and love. Third, that person must play an electrified four stringed instrument. I know, I know, you're saying, "but erasmus, surely the person you sought to find was none other than one of the several fiddle players in Dexy's Midnight Runners!?" Ah, not so fast, we don't want to forget the fourth and most vital ingredient to the world's greatest person: I'm talking funk here people. He or she must be deeply funky, yay, disgustingly funky, such that even to hear them clap at a sporting event one would be compelled to stand and tear the roof off the mother. Adhering to these strict conditions, I crunched the data using my special "greatest human" calculating apparatus. I feel confident that my own results will be easily replicated by generations of curious inquirers: Flea is the world's greatest human being. If contacted by an alien civilization we should send Flea and a curry buffet to serve as our reconnaissance diplomatic gesture.

Whittling down to just one from the billions of living and billions of dead human beings that are here or have been here has been difficult and I'm tired. And not wanting to bore you (I mean you single noble reader who while still in diapers knew in his heart the truth of Flea's greatness) with the minutia of the difficult road of hypothesis-test-adjust-repeat, I'll here simply provide a few youtube testimonials from whence you may gather the truth of my findings. Like this one for instance, where you'll witness Flea induct Metallica into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Now, leaving aside your personal thoughts on Metallica, induction speeches and halls of fame, do fritter a few minutes of your day away to listen to Flea's, as ever, lively inspiring words. Here's an excerpt: "Cliff Burton was an outstanding, superb, deep and wicked virtuoso of a bass player... Every Cliff Burton bass solo I've ever heard is a soulful, psychedelic, headbanging expression that rocks your world, trips your brain out and gets the house rocking. A beautiful peace of music played by an awesome rocker of a young man, a masterpiece of a human being."

Or consider his words here, at a RHCP session at Abbey Road studios. He speaks of his equal love for The Clash and Van Halen, if you thought that could ever be possible. Another excerpt: "In terms of like a band speaking about things that are, you know, political subjects, it's relative to the band, you know I could take like a political album like Clash's Sandinista!, which is one of my favorite albums of all time, which I love completely, you know, and then I can, you know, listen to like Van Halen's second album which I fucking love too, you know. And notice how I say fucking for Van Halen." Again you will observe him tossing off generous helpings of exalted humanity. There is a vibrating immediacy and excitement in his speech but he's not preaching, he says nothing about eternal truths or the correct path to god. Every time this strange creature speaks an invisible hand clenches at my throat and liquid emotion seeks to rush out of glands stored in my eye sockets. All while simply offering a few thoughts about rock bands.

If you've been lucky enough to see the RHCP during their long and deservedly popular influence in our times, you'll have experienced at least one point in the concert where Flea urgently thanks the audience for their beauty and goodness, and asks them to treat one another well and be good and be kind. Here's an example when playing at Slane Castle in Ireland. He does indeed give it away, the magnanimous (good-naturedly openminded and generous) good vibes that is. And so having completed my study, I leave to posterity the task of confirming or rejecting my results. I just want to offer a little note to Flea that it's partly thanks to him and his belief that we all "Be true to our imaginations and our idea of what's beautiful" that I'm happily unemployed and relaxing. (Kidding mom, not kidding Flea.)