How does one consult?

As the search for a job continues, I'm often struck by the great quantities of middlemen who promote themselves as a necessary step in the employment process. A casual google search comes up with nearly two million relevant hits when I typed in "career consultation." Isn't that a sign of modernity, that millions of people have a career in advising people about their careers? I've spent a little bit of time looking at a handful of these consultants and am, predictably, not impressed. Some of the most vacuous claims imaginable are proffered as though they were not at war with logic and meaning.

Take for example the claim by Career Consultation Services to be a "full service career growth company." Ok, I get it, they offer a wide range of consulting services which "grow" a client's career. That's super, congratulations on profiting on your career growth advisory talents. Or how about Perfect Fit Consulting, which deftly notes that "each generation are different and the work-life balance are different among the different generations, and it is important that these differences be understood." Now that's a consulting firm with a difference! For a fee you'll get "high powered, intuitive advice" over at careerplanner.com. I'm struck by the fearsome beauty of high-powered intuitions, not least because I have not the foggiest clue what they are. Finding these barely intelligible claims is extremely easy, the entire field is filled with similarly confused and empty statements. So the question for me is: How can I get paid to make no sense?

The French philosopher Bruno Latour has written extensively about how technologies, theories and methods are made to appear integral - "obligatory passage points" - where what was not necessary previously over time becomes so. These career consulting companies and individuals are doing just that, making their "services" appear "obligatory" both for employers and employees. Just this morning I was made to fill out a questionnaire as part of an application for a waitering job. The questionnaire was produced by Assess Systems out of Dallas, Texas. There they harness the penetrating insights of organizational psychologists to "define the primary behaviors and competencies needed for success." As part of my questionnaire I was asked whether there are 50 hours in a day and 80 days in a month. While I don't understand it, I'm sure that my primary behaviors are being thoroughly scrutinized.

So won't someone employ me to write vacuous, deeply meaningless statements which can dupe both employers and employees to pay money for empty paper pushing and mouse clicking? How about: "Our needs-based analysis will enable you to grow your achievement capacities and ensure impactful solutions," or maybe, "Using our Competency Growth Indicators® our clients can develop their people, allowing them to navigate difficult shifts in strategic approaches to core-growth challenges." See? I can write absurdly meaningless, jargon-rich emptiness too. Won't someone consider me as a potential verbal-developmental systems-based needs analyst?