Not a bad start, though neither is it good

It's a pristine year, untarnished by my procrastination and flatulence. Is that what life is? Always judging oneself by the stench of one's flatulence? "Now that's a terrible odor" I say to myself which suggests that I am greatly dissatisfied by the nasty gasses which pass from my ass. But on to serious subjects. There are great injustices which are currently being perpetrated on the earth. In general, the perpetrators are males, often they have beards, and when they shave their beards they speak for the sake of logic, which is to say they speak for the interests of that vacuous cow, money. Idiotic currencies are their fodder and they chew them into an unrecognizable grist so long as their bank accounts are well stocked. Oh, the absurd idiocy of our times. How to quickly sell the shit that one has, that's the essence of life. Alas, by which I mean, "oh, shit."

But bringing my thoughts down into the lower rungs of abstraction, into that field of the imagination where dreams and reality merge, I can see that what I've written above is largely incomprehensible. The generalizations are a bit too wispy, a bit too vague and even when they are shaped into a pointy thing, such as the statement about ruminating cows, they lose all coherence. The truth is, I know very little about cows, other than that they have several stomachs. If I weren't so afraid of them I'd probably have something to say about how sweet calves are, maybe I'd have a story about one particular cow, say a plump Jersey, ripe for milking, then perhaps my remarks about cows, cuds and cancerous moneygrubbing twits may have held water, or milk in this particular case. Unfortunately, given my ignorance and lack of experience, such comments fall flat and flabby, flapping in the breeze, not unlike an empty udder incidentally. No, these weak metaphors, which I feebly link to grossly abstract generalizations have very little purposeful impact, sorry to say. Least of all on me, and even as I type I'm filled with contempt for the words which become these absurd sentences and idiotic paragraphs.

It's time to get practical. Finally the time has come. For so long being impractical was working well for me, but no longer if I am to sustain this rich and satisfying life of adventure and gallantry. Step one: take a step. Step two: consider what the meaning of "step" consists of, in this particular case. Step three: realize that considerations of the meaning of words is characteristic of an impractical sensibility, and drop the project at once. Step four: feel a little silly, no, stupid, that so soon in my campaign for reform did I get tripped up in old habits. Step five: recognize that use of the word "trip" in step four was somewhat clever given the verbal meaning of the word "step," thus leaving me feeling fortified and confident. Step six: feel so good that perhaps a game of solitaire is deserved as a reward. Step seven: skilfully align cards according to order and suit. Step eight: notice that two hours have passed and nary a step taken nor game won. Step nine: reproach myself for lack of will power, make earnest pledges to change my ways. Step ten: leave new beginnings for another day.