To the devil with ye, vile annum

Hey everyone, the final day of the year has dawned and is rapidly unspooling. I'd better write a final missive, one for the ages, so that a proper adieu is given to the year that was 2009. And what a year it was! Things happened, other things also happened, and all this happening amounted to a full year of things happening. Let's recall some of the best times: I remember well going to my local grocers, and as usual I made a bee-line for the place where pomegranates were most likely to be stored. Wonder of wonders, not a humble wicker basket held these arcane fruits but a gigantic cardboard box, so numerous were the pomegranates in their plenitude. I could not see clearly but for the tears which were amassing in great pools along my eyelids, and so quickly evacuating not an inconsiderable quantity of that saline potion which represents my salty emotions, I wiped my eyes clear and beheld all those many pomegranates with greed. I even bought one.

Oh what a day! But what of the many others? Well, there was that time that I was walking towards the pharmacy, as it was there that I would find a throat lozenge for my throat which was croaking and quivering, making it hard to properly enunciate the finer examples of my considerable vocabulary. My pace? Furious. My gait? Efficient and manly. If anyone had seen me, and no doubt many strangers were both alarmed and impressed by my speed and focus, they probably remarked, "My what a furious pace that man is keeping, at once efficient and manly." I myself was not ignorant of the distinguished qualities of my determined stroll, one foot after another quickly and without fail replacing its former in perfect form. Ah, yes it was a walking for the ages! But what sorcerer's enchantment was this, it turned out that, alas, I was not progressing towards my goal, that place wherein therapeutic lozenges were stored, but away from it! The world had been flipped, turned asunder, and I had been deceived by a cohort of the devil! As usual, a despairing hopelessness clouded my meager logical abilities, but then an angel of clarity descended and produced in my mind the idea that I need only to turn around, and by doing so I would soon be on the correct path. And so it was! In no time the lozenges were mine.

To conclude, 2009 was indeed a profoundly memorable year.