To Be Counted

It's a tough thing being an agnostic in this world. Don't get me wrong, most of us still have values, it's just that it gets confusing when the world becomes more complex. One is almost compelled to become a nihilist and damn this world to it's own machinations. But nihilism is never the answer, and only someone who cares for nothing and has a misanthropic mindset can subscribe to such a view. There is an old expression that states that if you don't stand for something, you'll likely to fall for anything. I would have to disagree, if you stand for only one thing, you find yourself alone. Perhaps this is why I am so dissatisfied by the counterculture and activism I see occurring this decade. Perhaps this is why I am angry at myself for not doing more.

It would seem to me that the world is getting better. Maybe it is because there are more of us, or perhaps it is due to scientific advancement. Maybe we're just being nicer to each other. But what appears crystal clear to me that the world is certainly getting more extreme. For every great advancement we make, for every great deed, for each piece of art; there is a horrible tragedy, a holocaust, or act of startling depravity. Such is the way things occur. But again, the world and the people who inhabit it are slowly learning. We are beginning to cotton on to the fact that this is a small planet, with big issues that can and should be solved.

Some of these issues are becoming more and more apparent. Our world is warming up. The gap between those with money and those without is widening. We may be running out of oil. Our economic structures are beginning to crumble under their very ideals. Our water is no longer safe to drink. The oceans are filthy. People are still starving in most parts of the world. A woman's rights are pretty much the same as they were five hundred years ago. Our food is becoming industrialized and tainted. Animals are becoming extinct at an exponential rate. Religion still dictates much of politics. You can still go to jail just by doing things to your own body.

All of these issues infuriate me greatly, none so much as the fact that it is the 21st century and there are still parts of this world which does not have access to fresh, clean drinking water. The thought of it is maddening. Then I ask myself what it is I can do about this situation and I feel very helpless. Besides going to these countries and helping them there, or inventing some kind of magical water production unit, I can't really do very much. My father used to tell me that one should just take care of themselves first, before they can take care of others. Unfortunately, I am by no means a wealthy person, or even well to do. I live my life on this planet like most of it's inhabitants, on a day to day basis, which makes me part of the underclass here in North America. Possessing of no debt or credit cards, my ability to help others financially at this point in my life, is impossible.

Yet one must take a step back and see things for what they are. One person can do very little to instigate change in this mad world. You must be able to find others to instigate some form of change, whether it be through simple protest or calculated revolution. This is where I find myself having problems. I am immediately suspicious of any organizations. It would appear in my eyes, that all of the major activist organizations are as appalling or corrupt as the causes they are fighting against. They use the same tactics of scare and oppression to make people see their view of the world. And the people follow them. Oh, how they follow them so blindly. At any protest you are likely to find yourself at, ask the people around you if they know what they are fighting for. You will usually find that they are eloquent and idealistic, but they seem to lack some kind of focus. Usually, you will find that no matter what kind of protest it is- climate change, genetically engineered food, etc- it all seems to come back to being anti-corporate. Which is fine. But that's not what the protest is about.

I understand the confusion, and it frustrates me. But this draws us back to the main problem of our time and the main problem I have as an agnostic; the fact that we have too many problems. There is so much to be angry about and so much that we want to change and that needs changing. We are awash with obvious problems that need a swift solution, but the sheer number of problems makes solving even one difficult. My unwillingness to believe in any cause completely, angers me and the people and groups that should be trying to convince me are driving me away. Hardest to deal with is the stark helplessness that fills an agnostic heart. I am unbound by belief but my values stand stronger than most.

One value that will never diminish, no matter how extreme things get, is our capacity to change. I don't expect to see any kind of sweeping all encompassing change happening anytime soon, those times are long gone. This revolution will be fought by consciousness and compassion. Hopefully such damning ideas as doing 'what's right' and 'for freedom' will be thrown out the window. It will be based solely on the merit of helping people. Straight up, clear as crystal help. It's starting to happen already.

Right now, we are in the wilderness, sauntering about. The tree's canopy allows for a small amount of light to peer through, and we are starting to see the growth it creates. The light feels good. We want more of it. But as we chase the light every day, each rotation sends us retreading the same ground. We find ourselves spinning back and forth in the thick woods. It's time to pick a direction and go for it. Find the meadows, the fields and the hills- get out in the open. And when we see the light, boy, it's going to feel great.

That's something to believe in.