Riffing off the journalism of others

Sometimes I feel like Foghorn Leghorn, that patriarchal rooster on Saturday morning cartoons, who would always preface whatever he was about to say with a barrage of "I say, I say, I say, I say..." and so on ad infinitum. Would that silly bird ever get to the point? Occasionally he did, as when he parasitically called on that ridiculous little chicken hawk, conspiring with him to conduct elaborate subterfuge against the old dog who maintained order around the farm. In feverish dreams Foghorn Leghorn visits me, filling my mind with his "I say" so that eventually it's all I can think about. Always "I say, I say" promising so much, but ultimately saying so little.

I was thinking this after coming across an alarming statistic from Harper's magazine, which stated that something like 85% of all blogs have failed to receive a posting in the last 6 months. You'll note that I have neglected to provide the exact quote so to conform to my own austere "fact-free" standards. I don't like facts, no siree, I stamp them into the ground or better still, launch them out of earth's orbit to plummet through the depths of space forever. So generally if we take my vague reckoning seriously, and there's no reason we should, most blogs aren't being regularly contributed to. I imagine bygone times, when a person might jot down a few thoughts about something relevant to the community and nail it to the market notice board. Imagine walking up to the same piece of paper day after day, which spoke of a missing cat, Pookey Swarthmesson let's say. And knowing that no sooner had the note been posted than Pookey was found, safe and sound, under old man Snubinslabbin's rocking chair; it would seem the old cat welcomed the rhythmic swaying of the old man and his beloved chair.

What do we learn from this? That information quickly becomes useless. It's hard to fathom all of the information sitting on the internet which will never again be glimpsed by another human being. The internet is at once the birthplace and graveyard of information. But no harm, no foul I guess, it's not like anyone's life really benefits or suffers from any of this stuff. We're free to post as many nonsensical ideas here as we want, no one suffers by my mentioning Snubinslabbin's patient rocking or the old cat Pookey Swarthmesson's equally patient purr. They are nothing, like droplets of water evaporating before your eyes, just a tiny phenomenon among the thousands we daily experience whether conscious of them or not.

Yet, somehow I want to say something more than simply describing Pookey's luxurious fur, doubly - even trebly - impressive given the cat's advanced age. What's the significance in that? I haven't even mentioned the animal's sex, the colour of its eyes or its approximate size? I'm leaving all the details out! Where are the facts? Facts are needed to make informed decisions, everybody knows that. No, without facts, a blog is just another weed floating on the infinite stream of information. With no direct perspective - let alone action! - being argued for, what good can come from it? Where are the hot tips for fall fashions? What insight aids our readers in their mp3 player purchases? Show me the post which parses out the ever-subtle laconia of our dear, nay, cherished leader, the governor of this great land, across its breadth and into its depths, from its sovereign claims on those remote arctic seas to its Davidian battle with our giant neighbor over soft wood, I speak here of the Right Honorable Stephen "He that shall not partaketh of the communion wafer" Harper!

No, advice and analysis you'll not find here. I say, I say, I say, not much of anything. Enjoy!