Dude, where's my gun?

It was revealed yesterday by the CBC that our soldiers over in Afghanistan are firing up more than their weapons. "But what else could they be firing?" you no doubt ask, and I'll tell you, they're firing up Jamaican torpedoes... you know, blasting fat cannons of the blessed herb, setting alight the bountiful Afghan marijuana crops, provided of course it has been rolled up into a counter-Taliban blunt. It's an alarming though not unforeseen problem, and the Canadian military is not alone when it comes to soldiers blitzing their minds before their enemies. According to the wonderfully comic "pre-employment urinalysis" it turns out that a fair number of would-be warriors use drugs of varying illegality and social stigma before joining the military, so perhaps it's not surprising that in the land of opium and heroin, those predisposed to drug use are disposing of the vast quantities available to them. More alarming are reports that our freedom-keepers are in league with the underground drug and crime scene. According to the CBC, there were nearly 200 investigations into Canadian Forces personnel involved in either drug use or trafficking.

What to make of this? I'm sure many people, especially those with a natural sympathy for the struggles and hardships faced by our soldiers, will be quick to explain this abysmal criminality by pointing to the terrible conditions they face. It's not their fault when they are forced to work in an environment hostile to their very existence, never knowing when some bomb will blow up their convoy or a routine search ends in a gun battle. It's understandable that some soldiers would lose their minds in drugs. But how do we account for the report that Canadian soldiers are contributing to the dark underground organizations who are actually responsible for trafficking the drugs Afghanistan is so famous for? Is this also simply a matter of inevitable choices under constrained conditions? When Canada soothes its conscience with the thought that our soldiers are, by some mysterious string of cause and effect, nobly protecting "our way of life," it turns out that at least a few of them are also making a profit selling smack. You're welcome Afghanistan, we'll fight your bearded medievalists on the condition that we also help to build strong criminal networks who will oppress and waste your country after we're gone.

Or maybe my under-informed hyperbole is off the mark again, which is likely. So perhaps it's not a contradiction that our professional soldiers are getting high while keeping the Taliban at bay. Perhaps some of marijuana's legendary calming properties are at work. Rather than imagine the worse, perhaps our stoned warriors use the drugs to better experience the beauty of Afghans' ancient culture, their food, clothing and music. Clearing out destroyed buildings and rehabilitating neglected infrastructure, they sing folk songs with the toothless opium addicts, who occasionally let them pull from their precious earthenware pipes. Enveloped in smoke with a double-double in hand they help the women tend to the children, making sure that they're clean and safe. "Whoa man, like, we're from Canada eh, and like, we're here to offer, like, humanitarian assistance and stuff." And stoned out of their minds a world away, Canada's soldiers are directly keeping us safe here in Canada as well. (I know, I know, walk a mile in another's shoes, or in this case at least, check out how cool another's gun feels when inebriated.)

(Check out this video on Afghanistan's insane drug problem from The Guardian.)